Songwriter invents “Bottle” Wallpaper


Bored with songwriting during a trip to Berlin last week, Mike Batt, songwriter and general arty type, had a few hours off and invented this realistic  wallpaper that looks exactly like bottles. “I’ve always been able to work quickly” said Batt, when asked about how he came up with the idea. “I dashed off a sketch and coloured it in with what’s that stuff you put on canvas, oh yeah, paint. Then I got a German printer to reproduce it in rolls that all join together so you can’t tell it from the real thing. Lutter & Wegner, the famous German eatery ordered shitloads of it and it has made their restaurant look extra snazzy”. George Lutter – the famous chef who owns the establishment with Frau Fifi Trixabelle Tigerlilly Wegner, said the new wallpaper had been a great hit, and that Mr Batt ought to give up songwriting. Consequently Batt is now working on wallpaper that looks exactly like wallpaper, with flower print and everything just as if it were real wallpaper when it won’t really be. “Giving up songwriting is the best thing I ever did” said Batt. We will bring you more on this breaking story as it breaks. If it doesn’t break any more, we won’t, because that would be silly.